More from Prevention: 6 Secrets Of A Happy Relationship Howard Markman, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver, knows from his own clinical experience that individual therapy helps couples develop better relationship skills. But he wanted to know if it worked better than couples counseling. To test it, he recruited 300 married and unmarried couples, and had them undergo relationship skills training either together or individually. The results? Couples who went alone saw just as much improvement in their relationship, which is good news for people who can’t get a partner to go to therapy with them—a common problem, say psychologists. In fact, by some estimates, troubled couples wait six years before seeking help. So how do you know if your relationship could benefit from therapy—individual or couples’? One way to tell is whether you have more negative everyday interactions than positive ones, says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide To Lasting Love. In general, healthy couples have a ratio of five positive interactions to one negative interaction. More from Prevention: 10 Little Things Connected Couples Do If you decide your relationship could benefit from some professional help, there are plenty of online resources that can help you locate the right therapist for you. Check out The American Psychological Association, The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and Psychology Today. Look for counselors who are problem solvers, says John Gray, relationship coach and author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. That means finding a therapist who will teach you practical skills for improving your relationship. And don’t get frustrated if it takes a couple tries before you find the right fit. It’s a process much like speed dating, says Tristan Coopersmith, author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way To The Main Course. “You might have to ‘date’ a lot before you find chemistry,” she says. Bottom line: If your relationship doesn’t make you as happy as it used to, it can’t hurt to get help—whether it’s with or without your partner.
