Timing has a lot to do with it, says Deborah Carr, PhD, chair of Rutgers University’s department of sociology. After interviewing 276 individuals who lost a spouse, she found that dating six months after the death of a spouse puts strain on those parent-child relationships. However, dating after 18 months has a slight positive effect on the connection, barring already-rocky ties. “These children have lost a parent,” says Dr. Carr, who is the author of the study in the Journal of Aging Studies. “Six months is a bit too soon, but usually after a year or so, adults can and should begin carving out a new life for themselves.” After that mark, dating after death doesn’t trigger major changes in existing parent-child relationship quality, although Dr. Carr noted that daughters demonstrate more difficulty adjusting to their parent’s new status than sons do. Solid parent-child relationships stay strong and can even improve with parental dating or interest in dating, while those on rough terms all along remain strained. No matter what the quality of the relationship, being open about needs on both ends is the best practice for navigating the territory. “If they’re worried their children will have concerns they should talk to them, and vice versa,” she says. Difficulties aside, having an interest in companionship can improve the outlook of a widow or widower. “It’s something that’s forward-looking, and can help establish a new identity other than the ‘husband’ or ‘wife’ they’ve been for years, even decades,” she says. “If a widowed person wants to date, they should do so.” MORE: 5 Dating Rules To Ditch
